Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Sometimes we are wrong

Excuse me while I get a little personal on the blog today.

Yesterday I went to Confession for the first time in 20 years.

If you were to ask me why it has taken so long, I could give you a laundry list of reasons.  In fact, I probably developed every excuse possible to convince myself that there really was no need for me to go, therefore spending years without even considering it.  

The truth was though, that I was just scared.

Scared to accept and tell someone else that perhaps I do things that are just not right sometimes.  Scared of what they would say.  Scared of what they might think.  

Just scared.

Then I realized that I expect this out of my children every day but never hold myself accountable for the same thing.

When my children do something wrong that I did not see, the first thing I say is "What happened?"  or "What did you do?".  I then expect a nine, six and three year old to comfortably outline all things they just did wrong.  Instead of a simply stated response, I receive eyes that won't look at me, a voice that I can hardly hear and a hung head.  At this point I will continue to tell them that they need to tell me what happened or there are going to be consequences.  I push them to open up, explain to me the situation and what they did.  I do not allow them to hide from what they did, understanding that only by them acknowledging that what they did was wrong will they learn from their mistakes and think twice about doing it again.  

Makes perfect sense.

We all do things that are wrong sometimes.  It is human nature.  No one is perfect and we all know this.  But how often do we speak out and acknowledge that some of the decisions we have made are not the best ones to someone else?  Our children have to, everyday, but we seem to hold ourselves to a different expectation.  

And you know what the crazy part is?

It feels wonderful.

No wonder children can move on from doing something wrong and never think twice about it again.  They have admitted it to us, understand that they should not have done it and know that this does not define who they are.  The weight of the entire situation is gone in a second.  

What I discovered yesterday is that even though the things that I do wrong seem to be things that I feel I can move on from, they were weighing me down without knowing it.  

I don't like that I judge people sometimes.  I don't like that the hubby and I fight.  I don't like that I have hurt people.  These are just a few things I mentioned but you get the picture.  It felt great acknowledging my weaknesses and wrongdoings.  It felt as is a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it also made me very aware of the little things I sometimes get wrapped up in that perhaps I need to stay away from (mom gossip anyone???).  I also acknowledge that though at times I can be weak, making the wrong decision, it doesn't define who I am.  

I am not writing this to send you all to Confession.  We all have our different faiths, beliefs and ideas and I am not here to change that.  I am simply saying we all sometimes need to just openly admit what we have done wrong, if not for anything but to make ourselves feel better, learning from our mistakes, and to think twice before we do it again.

Just like we try to teach our children.

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