Silence

How do you feel about silence?  I find the idea of "silence" interesting.  On one hand, there are days when I crave silence.  When all three kids are running crazy, our calendars are overbooked and it seems I cannot get anything done, all I want is some peace and quiet.  Then, when the children are in bed, the house is cleaned up and the hubby is out of town, I absolutely hate the quiet.  In fact, through self examination, silence actually brings on my anxiety and scares me from time to time, especially at night.  How can something I crave so much at times bring on such a terrible feeling once I have it?

Through further self examination, I laugh at how often I actually try to avoid silence.  I instinctively turn on the radio in the car, make a phone call or turn on the television at night.  For example, I purposely turned on the television to write this post, even though I am not watching the television at all.  My hubby is at a dinner and the kids are asleep so who wants to sit at a computer hearing the house settle alone?  Apparently not me.  And I am not going to even tell you how uncomfortable I get when I wake up in the middle of the night, the hubby is out of town and the entire house is silent.  I am not going to lie.  I HATE IT.

I think I have just become too comfortable with noise.  I can remember a time when I enjoyed having all the roommates in college out so that I could rest in my room.  I also remember when the hubby was getting his MBA and I would savor my alone time with a bath, brownie and glass of wine.  Since having children though, my moments of silence became few and far between and suddenly moments that seemed so peaceful and relaxing became stressful and worrisome.

Since I have now come to the understanding that silence and I do not work well together right now, I have decided to work on it.  I want to return to enjoying that quiet time I used to love so much.  And the truth is, when overcoming the uncomfortableness of silence, it can be incredibly calming.  It allows you to actually put your thoughts in order, and if you are religious in anyway, it provides you an opportunity to focus your thoughts and prayers towards something good.  It provides solace and self reflection that allows you to cope with life and its challenges in ways that chaos doesn't.  It is truly important for us to find the silence in our life and embrace it.  I know this.  I just need to keep telling myself this.

I am guessing I am not the only one who feels this way but perhaps I am wrong.  

Are you okay with silence?

If you are at all interested in hearing more about my anxiety (because it is fascinating, I know) click here, here, or here.