Friday, August 3, 2012

I am going there

Oldest and Middle Man in the Belly
Normally, I am one to keep my mouth shut.  Well, that is not true.  According to my hubby I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.  On the blog however, I tend to keep my mouth shut.  Not because I don't want to say what I am thinking, but because I am a mother of three who understands that what I might think is right for my family may not be right for someone else's.  My religion, my politics, my parenting.  They are mine and not yours and I respect that.  I truly believe the phrase "to each their own".

That being said, with the New York City decision and the Time Magazine cover, I have decided to ask a question that I know rubs many women the wrong way.  It shouldn't but it does.  Here is my question.

Why has breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding turned one mother against another?

Let me go back to when I had my first.  I was 26 years old and quite honestly, did not know what the hell I was doing.  I delivered my baby, my milk came in and I breast fed him.  There was no problem from his side.  Everything worked great.  In fact, I produced so much milk that our freezer was packed with bags of the golden goods.  There was one problem though.  I absolutely hated nursing.

The entire process stressed me out.  I felt trapped being the only one who could feed him, I was worried he wasn't getting enough and as much as I ADORED my little man, I wanted some independence from the situation.  So I will admit it.  Selfishly, I did not like it.  Everyone (friends, nurses, pediatrician) kept telling me to hang on because it was going to get easier but by 4 months, I was done.  I quit cold turkey and never looked back.  I instantly enjoyed parenting more.

The second time around I was a lot more confident.  I told myself that I would try nursing again to see if this time it was different.  It wasn't.  By 6 weeks I quit.  With Baby Girl, I made it two weeks before I quit.  

The thing is.  Nursing wasn't for me.  And that was okay.  I have tons of friends who love nursing and I admire the commitment they make and how easy it seems for them.  Do I think that their children are "better" than mine because they were nursed?  No.  But I respect the decision they made for their family and I would hope they respect the decision I made.

I am really tired of all the judgement that women place on each other.  Parenting is hard enough without the pressures from others to do what people "think" we should do.  We do not know what people are going through.  We do not understand their struggles.  Did I choose to not nurse?  Yes.  But some women do not have that choice.  And even if they did, it is not for anyone else to say what they should do.  In the end, a happy mother is what is most important for the health of their children.  

So can we just give this battle a rest?

And because I really am a light hearted person, if you are looking for a little humor on this topic, here is my Farewell Letter to Similac, my children's formula of choice.

If this post has not made you run for the hills, I would really appreciate a vote on this beautiful Friday!


  1. I am relatively new reader and I rarely comment on anything but I am so glad you decided to post this. I wholeheartedly agree and had similar struggles. However, with both of my daughters, my milk took way too long to come in, causing screaming infants and a frazzled mother. In the end, I formula fed both girls with very little breastfeeding (let's be honest, with the second one, almost none). I feel very frequently judged by breast-feeding mothers (my youngest daughter is only 11 months so I am still in that world) and more frequently bombarded with pro-breastfeeding comments, posts, etc. I wanted so badly to breastfeed that it really still gets under my skin. However, I did not have it in me to struggle with it and I am MUCH happier parent because of my choice. In any event, I just wanted to thank you for the post. I completely related and was happy to see it!

  2. Thank you! Just Saturday I was lectured by a stranger at the hair salon about how I did not try hard enough... 4 weeks of lactation nurses, tears and barely producing an ounce apparently is not trying to some. I still struggle with the what is wrong with me question, but I know many other women are in the same place as me. Your blog wa just what I needed! I wish I could have voted 100 times for you today! Have a great weekend!

  3. Totally agree Darling... we all do the best we can in whatever our situation may be. Oooh, I think the lipstick aisle is calling my name... xoxo


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